I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
