I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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