She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
