Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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