Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
