Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
