Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
