great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
