this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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