do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
