i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
