It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
