wrigley field is MILF paradise
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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