just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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