The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
