so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
