A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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