Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
