I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
