Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it glows. i had to have it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
