Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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