your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
