You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
