Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
