Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's like heaven, but drunker
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
