Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
