is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
