Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
