i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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