when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
