the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
