The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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