No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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