No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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