I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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