im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
