I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
