maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
