I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize