Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
