Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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