then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
