you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
