i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
