there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
