My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
