it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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