ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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