Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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