I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
