I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
