dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
