Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
