My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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