How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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