As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
