finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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