We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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