so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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