call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
