I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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