I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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