The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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