hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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