i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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