I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
