my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
