Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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