The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
