did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
