Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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