sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
